Heavy Lifting
by Sirabella
Summary: WORK IN PROGRESS. Iolaus is tired of being the sidekick and heads off in search of a new life, but pretty soon he gets pulled back into his old one, and this time, he has to save the day. Xena, Gabrielle and the King of Thieves gueststar.
1. Beginning's End

Iolaus' head snapped up as a largish rock zinged past his left ear and into the river. "I know, I know," he grumbled as Hercules strode triumphantly past him to haul their dinner out of the water by its tail. "My way takes too long."

Hercules grinned and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Well, this would have made the fourth day in a row that I let you have your fun, but I'm starving. Those bandits really helped me work up an appetite."

"Yeah, well, next time you go a couple of rounds with Ares, maybe we'll have whale."

Hercules looked around. The words were clearly meant as a joke, but the tone fell flat. "Are you ok?"

Iolaus smiled quickly. "Oh, yeah, fine."

Hercules gave him a disbelieving look. "'Oh, yeah, fine' as in 'fine,' or 'oh, yeah, fine' as in 'don't ask?'"

"It's nothing," Iolaus protested. "I'm just... well, I'm a little _bored_. Bandits, barn fires, baby-snatchers..."

"Bellyaching..."

"Oh, shut up," Iolaus snapped, but he was smiling. "What's next, a kitten in a tree?"

"That doesn't begin with B," Hercules deadpanned.

Iolaus groaned. "Oh, great, we've started speaking in verse. And I thought I could sink no lower."

"Look, Iolaus..." Hercules was suddenly serious. "I don't want you to be bored, but it's not like I'm gonna beg Hera for another Enforcer just to keep you entertained."

Iolaus shuddered. "Don't even go there," he muttered. "One was enough. Two was overkill. Literally."

"That's not funny," Hercules whispered. Iolaus was immediately contrite. "I know. I'm sorry. Look, I don't mean to be a... what was that word Salmoneus used?"

"Buzzkill."

"Yeah, one of those. But being around you, I've come to expect the unexpected, so it's kind of a letdown when the expected turns up instead, you know?"

"I know," Hercules agreed. "But I don't look at it that way. How often do we get to just spend time together?" He took a seat on the riverbank next to his companion, who was looking a bit sheepish. "No monsters trying to kill us, no vengeful gods trying to blast my name out of the family tree. Just the two of us, with a few minor distractions on the side to keep the peace treaties alive and the fishing trips short. I call it a nice little holiday."

"Oh, I know how fond you are of trips. Especially guilt trips."

Hercules laughed. "Did it work?"

"Only too well. You hit me where it hurts; in the conscience." Hercules' face took on a look of concern. The words had a bitter ring.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, trying to sound dismissive. "We don't need to exchange words to know we enjoy each other's company."

"Hercules..." Iolaus bowed his head and let the words burst from him. "Don't get me wrong, you're my best friend..."

"But?" Hercules was suddenly afraid of the answer.

"But, well, lately I've been feeling like I'm not really living my life. I'm living yours."

Hercules was stunned into silence, but he managed to ask: "How long have you felt this way?"

"A while," Iolaus answered quietly. "Ever since we helped Nemesis and the baby, when Ares was after them. I felt as if I wasn't really supposed to be there."

"Iolaus, I couldn't have done any of that without your help!"

"I know it; I just can't make myself believe it, not really. Hercules, when we thought Evander was your son... I was so happy for you. You looked like you belonged with them, and it made me realize... I don't have anything like that. I don't mean a wife to cook for me or a son to take hunting and fishing with me. I mean someone to fight for."

"Isn't it enough just to help people, to save their lives or their homes, or their children?"

"It used to be," Iolaus admitted. "Seeing their smiles or their gratitude used to bring a smile to _my_ face. And I'm still glad, but every time we save a stranger's life, it's 'thanks a bunch, see ya later.' And that's fine, except they walk back to their homes, and I just walk away."

"And you want someone who won't walk away." Hercules didn't trust himself to say more, but Iolaus felt the accusation underneath the tentativeness.

"I want someone to need me, Hercules. You don't, not really. We have a good time together, and we do important work. But we don't really—_belong_—to each other. And the people we help; well, they don't need _me_ so much as someone, _anyone_, to help them. I don't want someone who needs my help; I need someone who needs me."

Hercules swallowed what felt like a rock in his throat; there wasn't any way he could convince Iolaus that these thoughts weren't necessary, and he wasn't sure he wanted to, either. Arguing someone out of their feelings was tricky at best and extremely suicidal at worst, and in any case, if Iolaus was so sure that Hercules didn't need him, then that must mean that Iolaus didn't need... "I do. I hope someday you realize that. Were you planning on telling me any of this, or were you just waiting until I asked?"

Iolaus was studying his bootstrings. "I was waiting to tell you until I knew what to do about it," he admitted. "And I don't. I just think... well, I think I might take a few weeks and... I was thinking of leaving for Corinth in the morning."

"You're going to visit my mother?"

Iolaus smiled. "No. Iphicles. Before we left, after helping him find a place for the returning soldiers, he called me 'brother.' He said his home was my home, if I ever needed another one." Iolaus glowed with pleasure at the memory. "I think I might stay with him for a while, help out at the palace. I hear his guards could do with some training."

"Yeah, well, considering how Ajax and his guys wiped the floor with them and took off with my brother, I'd say that's a pretty good bet." Hercules forced a grin, and the lightness of the moment just barely held.

"Hercules," Iolaus interjected, almost desperately, "I want you to know, I'll always—"

"I know," Hercules abruptly stopped him, holding up a hand between them. "I know. Let's just eat the fish and go to sleep. I can't talk about this anymore."


	2. Hercules' Quest

When Hercules awoke in the morning, Iolaus was gone. The fire was still glowing; Hercules figured his friend had stoked the embers before setting off, in which case, he had left about an hour before. Hercules rubbed a hand over his eyes and wearily got to his feet. 'Well, that's Iolaus for you,' Hercules thought sadly. 'He figures it's easier for me if I don't have to say goodbye. Idiot.'

"What's the matter, dear brother?" came a mocking voice from behind him. "You look like you've lost your best friend."

"Ares. Great. Now my day is complete," Hercules answered in the same sarcastic vein. "As always, my question to you is: what do you want and what does it have to do with me?"

"Well, those are two questions, actually, but since they have the same answer, I'll let it slide. As always, what I want is you—miserable, if not suffering or flat-out dead. Looks like I won't even have to blow out the candles on my cake this year."

Hercules rolled his eyes. "Love to chat. Love to, but can't. I've got a life to get on with. Go enjoy yours... elsewhere."

"No can do. I'm on a mission, and since you're kinda down on your luck, I thought I'd give you a heads-up. Game's no fun if you don't play your _very best_."

"Ares, either you've got the mental capacity of a pea, or you think I do. Give me a reason to play your game."

"How about... because you've got no choice. It's either you... or Xena."

Hercules laughed. "That's not going to work, and you know it. Xena is a big girl. She can handle anything you can even imagine throwing at her."

Ares' grin widened. "Really? Then she'd be interested to know that approximately three days from now, that little girl she scampers around with will swear herself into my service."

Hercules snorted. "Let me get this straight. Gabrielle, the gentlest, most generous person I know, is going to give herself to the god of _war_."

"You got it."

"No, _you've_ got something else—a screw loose."

"Whatever you say, o champion of the people. In a few days, Gabrielle will be mine, unless, of course, I get a better offer from someone more... valuable."

"I don't do deals with you, Ares, and certainly not blind ones."

"I hoped you'd say that," Ares said cheerfully, crossing his arms in front of him. "Come and see." Before Hercules could move, the war god had raised his arms, and suddenly, the world was a spinning cloud of light that made Hercules glad he'd skipped breakfast. When gravity reasserted itself, his surroundings were different; he was trapped in something that felt like a pocket of air. He could stretch and move, but something firm and pliant was keeping him from covering any distance. "Relax," Ares grumbled in a bored voice. "This is just to keep you from walking out of my show. I don't want you interfering until... until I want you interfering."

"All right, let's get this over with," Hercules relented, his voice clearly showing his disinterest.

"As you wish," Ares answered with an evil grin, opening a window to another countryside. Hercules could see Xena and Gabrielle talking... well, arguing was more like it. He strained his ears, but he couldn't quite catch their words.

"I can't hear anything," he pointed out. "What's the matter, Ares? A little rusty, are you?"

"Hmm," Ares muttered to himself. "Must have left the controls in my other pair of leather pants. Oh, well. Lucky for you, I'm a god." A wave of his hand started a growth of sound that halted when the two women's voices were quite audible.

"Oh yeah, lucky me," Hercules groused under his breath. "My guess is, you were born during Fortune's Fury-worshipping phase." He started focusing on Gabrielle's voice, which had risen in volume without Ares' help.

_"Xena, it just isn't any use. That was the fourth assassin this week. And you know they'll just keep coming until one of them gets lucky."_

_"Then it's our job to make sure their luck doesn't improve," Xena said firmly. "I've beaten Ares before and I'll do it again."_

_"You're sure it's Ares," Gabrielle wondered._

_"Oh yeah," Xena nodded, smiling tightly. "They're good fighters, almost as good as I am, I have to admit, and each one's better than the last. Add to this their total lack of organization, and the only answer is a bunch of rabble hopped up on Ares-juice."_

_"Euugh," Gabrielle groaned, making a face. "Leave the metaphors to me, please."_

Ares smiled fondly. "Such a spunky little thing, isn't she?" Hercules sighed in exasperation, focusing harder on the bard's voice.

"_Xena, you know this is it. Stop being so stubborn. You know, and I know, when a god pulls out all the stops in an effort to add your head—on a pike—to his temple's décor, you've got to at least pretend to give him what he wants."_

"_Gabrielle, I don't know what he wants, and I don't care. He knows me well enough to realize that if I play nice with him, I've got at least a couple of tricks up my sleeve. He won't believe me."_

"She's right, you know," Ares said philosophically. "Isn't it nice when you can talk to someone without words?"

"Ares," Hercules growled through gritted teeth, "I would appreciate it if you'd cut the running commentary. I'm a little more interested in what they have to say."

"Ah, yes, the pretty girls can always make you sit up and take notice. I suppose I should save my breath."

"That one has my vote," Hercules muttered. He turned his attention back to the window, but the conversation didn't seem to have progressed very far. Xena and Gabrielle were still arguing about their next move. The argument seemed to end when Gabrielle gave in and was silent. Hercules was instantly suspicious, and he could tell from Xena's face that she wasn't convinced, either. Gabrielle never gave up on anything, especially something she really wanted.

"You see it, don't you?" Ares asked delightedly. "She'll sneak away and come find me, to call a truce, to take my focus off Xena. In three days she'll be mine." Hercules began to struggle against his prison, and Ares sighed. "Yeah, yeah, you're free to go," and instantly Hercules reappeared in the familiar camp by the river. "Try to warn her. If you can save her before she takes her vow of loyalty, I'll take you in her place and leave Xena alone forever. If you fail... you're both mine, and Xena will eventually fall to my assassins. She'll kill many of them, but there's no shortage of men willing to kill, or to die, for wealth and glory. And if you don't come at all, well, let's just say that right now, I have more need of a plaything than a servant."

Hercules' voice was like thunder. "You won't take any of us without a fight, Ares."

Ares winked. "Counting on it," he called out as he vanished in a blaze of light.


	3. Never Travel Alone

Iolaus whistled as he walked along, trying to keep himself company. The truth was, he was already wishing he hadn't left, but he knew it wouldn't really have solved anything. He needed to figure out who _he_ was before he went back to Hercules. He was thinking and whistling so deliberately that he missed the sound of hurried footsteps in the bracken and a loud "ouch!" that sounded somewhere in the vicinity of his left knee. He jumped a mile and quickly looked down to discern the source of the noise. Autolycus was lying at his feet, rubbing his shoulder and looking extremely annoyed.

"Hey, watch it, Curly. I'm walking here."

"Walking? Really?" Iolaus asked suspiciously. "Not _running_, perhaps?" Autolycus scowled but had no time for a reply, as six armed guards had suddenly materialized out of the forest and were charging towards them, swords drawn.

"I wasn't before, but I think I'll try it now," the King of Thieves quipped and disappeared into the trees with a somersault and a "yodel-ey-hee-hoo!" Iolaus rolled his eyes and leaned casually against a tree, watching curiously as Autolycus swung down from a branch and drop-kicked a guard in the back, who promptly fell on his face in the mud. Two others rushed him, and each simultaneously received a blow in the nose from a booted foot. Iolaus raised his eyebrows; that one took real flexibility. The three who were left exchanged looks and then bolted straight towards Autolycus, yelling with rage. The King of Thieves' eyes widened and he shimmied up the tree, throwing loose branches and crabapples at his attackers as fast as he could. "Hey, Curly! Little help here?"

Iolaus chuckled. "I think you've got everything under control," he smirked. Autolycus sighed and flipped out of the tree, landing behind the three men.

"How did I know you'd say that?" he groaned. He picked up a rock and shied it at the closest guard. It bounced off his helmet, and he collapsed with a moan. The other two charged with swords out, and Autolycus grinned. "Come and get me, boys," he taunted, and snatching Iolaus' pack, he swung it around and clocked the foremost guard on the back of the head. He swung around once more and swept the feet out from under his other attacker, and both ran away into the forest at top speed, following the fading sounds of their companions' retreat. The King of Thieves grinned cockily. "How 'bout that, huh? Bet I've got some moves you've never seen before." He furrowed his brow in thought. "That didn't come out quite like I planned."

Iolaus rubbed a hand over his face to hide his smile. "Autolycus, just give me my bag."

Autolycus looked down in puzzlement. "Oh, yeah, here you go. Sorry, force of habit."

Iolaus swung the pack over his shoulder and stared interrogatively at his companion. "Dare I ask what it was this time?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know. Let's just say it involved an engaged, but extremely unhappy princess and her very jealous, very _rich_ fiancé."

Iolaus laughed disbelievingly. "First you steal his girl, then his horde of cash. I knew you were capable of one or the other, but I never thought you'd stoop so low as to take both."

"Hey. He got one of them back."

"Hmm, which one? No, no, don't tell me, just let me guess," Iolaus chirped in a tone of false wonder.

Autolycus gave a self-deprecating smirk. "Yeah, well, when I see a shiny, priceless woman who will keep me fed, clothed and entertained for years to come, I might choose _her_ over a cartload of gold."

"I wouldn't bet on it," Iolaus muttered.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Autolycus wanted to know. "And where's your bodyguard?"

Iolaus flinched. "He's... not here." He was surprised when Autolycus swallowed whatever it was he was about to say.

"Well... thanks for the non-rescue... guess I'll see you round." He was about to walk away when Iolaus spoke up, his voice strained from the effort of grinding his pride down into his stomach.

"Wait a second... where are you off to?"

The King of Thieves turned around, surprise scrawled all over his face, along with—Iolaus was mortified to discover—a little pity, but he quickly recovered himself and swaggered back in Iolaus' direction. "Miss me already? Or are you concerned for the welfare of the next unfortunate girly or coin collection to fall into my grasp?"

"It just so happens," Iolaus answered haughtily, "that I have nothing better to do at the moment than wonder, out of sheer morbid curiosity, what your next venture is."

"You gonna stop me? Or you want in?" Autolycus invited slyly. To his total shock, Iolaus hesitated.

"Neither. I just thought I might... travel with you for a while."

Autolycus couldn't hide his reaction to this one. "Wow. The big guy really did a number on you."

"Is that sympathy? Or are you gloating? On you they look so similar." Iolaus' self-pity turned to blind anger at the assumption that Hercules had effected the split between them.

"O-K," Autolycus ventured with a 'backing off now' expression. "You don't want to talk about it. Message received."

"Let's just hit the road," Iolaus sighed.

"Uh, hate to disappoint you, Man of the People, but I don't actually have a scheduled itinerary, so it'll be a little while until your next act of self-sacrifice."

Iolaus huffed. "Fine. I was heading for Corinth, so how about we keep to that plan." They traveled on for some time before something else occurred to him. "Oh, one thing, though: steal from King Iphicles and I'll nail your toes to the throne room rafters."

"Sounds uncomfortable. Ok, you got a deal. But I want you to know, you're costing me a fortune."

"Watch me cry a river of tears. Iphicles has enough people trying to steal his crown without someone trying to steal his treasury."

"What, you never stole from people with problems? You can't have been much of a thief."

"Look," Iolaus sputtered, "Iphicles is _family_, ok? Family, as in 'me and mine,' as in 'don't rip them off!'"

"I get the concept," Autolycus snapped. "I've never stolen from anyone who mattered to me."

It was a low blow, but Iolaus was in no mood to pass it up. "Yeah, well, if anyone mattered to you, that might be a little more difficult."

"Hey, pal, just because I don't go all weepy over people doesn't mean they aren't—significant to me," Autolycus retorted. "When did I ever steal from you? And you've got to admit, I've had plenty of chances." Iolaus looked up, shocked and repentant, and as inappropriate as it was at that moment, he wanted to laugh at the look on his companion's face; Autolycus clearly hadn't meant to say that. He suppressed the feeling with all his might and gave a small grin of understanding, then quickly searched for something to change the subject.

"Yeah, well, if I ever acquire anything of any value, I'll be sure to sleep with it under my pillow, just in case."

Autolycus smirked knowingly. "You do that. But I warn you, I've perfected the art of out-from-under-pillow stealing."

Iolaus laughed. "Ah. Hence the princess."

"You bet. Why they figure that's the safest place for it, I really can't tell you."

"I suppose they're under the mistaken impression that there are some depths even you won't sink to."

Autolycus laughed. "Morons."


End file.
